Hopeful.

I torture myself sometimes. Because at the time, whatever it is - feels good. It's like drinking knowing damn well the hangover is going to suck. Or eating something bad for you, but it tastes OH SO GOOD at the moment. I don't know how to be in a relationship - so I just do what feels good. Even if it hurts a little later. In some ways, I don't want to be in a relationship. There is no perfect guy. He'll never know exactly what I'm thinking. He'll always make me angry and not do what I expect. Why should I have to subject someone to all that?

But really, I just want to know that he misses me. And not just that he misses me, but that he wants to make it happen. I still hate that I went all that way, and didn't get to see him. I was really hopeful. Oh, how, I was hopeful.