Stalker much?

He said he has never blogged. I just realized that Facebook, Twitter, anything "status" related is like a blog. He blogs, but calls them Google+ posts, or tweets. Lol. Maybe he lied... He doesn't even reply to my texts. Im like how does he do that...? But I do the same thing to this guy who texts me. I can do no wrong in his eyes. It's irritating. What I do to him, he does to me. It's crazy. Ive said this time and time again, I don't fit into his life. I don't know why he leads me on. It's the only thing I cry or at least try to cry about. He is perfect for me... He is where I want to be. Especially, when I think about having kids. I had the most amazing encounter with my nephew. Oh what a joy it would be to be in constant relationship with someone so amazing, creative and beautiful. He wants to give me the moon... I am so lucky that even one person wants to give me the moon. Anyway, he has kids, has been married, is at a place I long to be. I would never have to worry about.awkward situations - him wanting kids, to get married, etc - especially when I can't and don't really want to, etc - respectively. I decided - however... 3 things: in Vegas, I will focus solely on what God has in store for me regarding leadership and improving myself (however, if the opportunity allows, I'm getting drunk); I will try to contact the one in Tampa; and won't talk to the other one until Tampa. I need to make me better - physically, mentally and spiritually. I need closure so that I can truly move forward and love myself and let me be loved. He is not the one, I just need him to be.  I will make 2012 my year. Lets do this. And when I fuck it up - because I will - I won't stop. #transformed ... Transformers are the isht.... Love.