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I'm nervous. There's more traffic coming through my page. I, honestly, blog with the hopes that no one reads. Uhm...

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It's good to know that we are sometimes content where we are, but itching to move - and hopefully move forward. Good to know, that I am not the only one that feels that way. There are many things that I should have/could have done, but I didn't. I can either suffer the consequences, or enjoy the learning experience. Everything (maybe not EVERYthing) is relative. It's definitely how you look at it, or what you bring to the situation. I prefer to see you and focus on the positive aspects of people and situations. There isn't much that brings me down - but when I am brought down, I am brought down hard, fast and with little chance of getting back up.

Even then I strive to see the positive. I do my best to always smile, to the point where my face is tired. It hurts. I'd like to say that I am always doing my best, but I'm not. I'd like to say that I am tapping into my own potential, but I'm not. I need motivation. But even motivation is not motivating. How do we move forward? How do I move forward? How do I serve others while caring for myself? How do I make a difference? How can I be the change?

I think God looks at me, and cries. I think he/she/it says, I created you to be the best you you can be, but yet, here you are - you have no confidence, you put yourself in hurtful situations, you don't let yourself explore and be loved by me. I know God sighs, thinking - I am in you! You are mine, and yet, here you are - trying to belong to the world.

I'm good - so badly wanting to ask him a question, to see how he is - I wish that same feeling would overcome me to search God's own heart. God knows me. And I long to know him, but would rather wait for some shitty relationship to please me and then break me. Why do we do that to ourselves? I know I'm not the only one.

"You may say, I'm a dreamer. But I'm not..." =)

Happy Birthday, Bob. And Uncle Meki - lives cut too short.