Weekends...

Thursdays used to mark the beginning of my weekend. Now that I have a job, my weekends have melted together with my weekdays. I have to ngaue tonight, tomorrow and Saturday. Kindah bothers me, just because August is always busy for me. And it's busy with stuff other than work and school...so now that I'm busy with work and school, too...I'm super busy. I don't know how people do it. I think about my sisters, and my mom, and all those mothers around me that somehow manage to juggle so many things all at once, and still remain available to hear me babble and scream.



Anyway, it's crazy. I'm still contemplating this new idea of mine. I haven't really had the guts to share it with anyone, because it's so different from the path that I am on now. I told my sister and niece about it, and they didn't really offer any encouragement or any negative reactions, which honestly is NO HELP AT ALL! But it's cool. I know this is something I need to decide for myself, but I really need to know that people believe I can do it, that I wont disappoint anyone in the process.



I always think back...when I moved back to Sacramento, if it was the right thing to do. I honestly believe it was. That was the path I was supposed to take, but I took it too early, I wasn't prepared. Now, that I've been home for a few months (I lie...it's been years), I think I've been able to search for what it is I really want to do, not just what I thought I really wanted to do. I'm still not even sure what it is...



So, I'm always on this website, that I know will help me attain this goal, but is it my goal? They sent me applications and stuff. But I want to finish here...and then work, so I can make some money, then go back. Ideally, I can work somewhere that will transfer me to where I want to go and I can continue non-stop.



What I really want is for someone to tell me to take that path, to go ahead and leave this one, cuz this is not yours...but no one will do that, everyone thinks the one I'm on is mine...even I think it's mine...maybe it is mine, but I don't want it to be.



Ehh...I was hoping that I'd get some clarification from babbling on here, hearing the taps of the keyboard, the clicks of the keys...but, maybe I need to read....


The Picture: Marcus, Lizzie, Sela, Jaida, Me and Meleane in Palo Alto, CA